My favorite dream

I was sitting at the table. I had missed my friends so much and I couldn't believe how happy I was to be with them. that overwhelming feeling of having to go to the bathroom come on. standing up doing the pee pee dance, I feel this weird sensation. I look down and there is liquid all over the floor.

I knew early into my 20's that having children was defined as impossible by my doctors.  It took me a long time to accept this information.  I had never dreamt of being pregnant, till the other night. It shocked me that I couldn't write about it right away.  Writing is my release. But, this wasn't about any kind of release for me. I woke up happy after this dream. I know it is something that can never be so I thought this dream should have made me sad. I was completely wrong. It put an extra pep in my step.  I woke up with a huge smile on my face.  So after letting it marinate in my brain for a couple of days, I decided to share a happy dream. Isn't dreaming all about the things you wish you could have?

I was sitting at homie's house.  She was going on and on about the kids, work and her husband.  I sat there laughing and rubbing my belly.  I got a call, it was BCOC.  She wanted to meet up for dinner. She said she already talked to wetta and she was down too. We decided to meet at bcoc's favorite place, El Burros.

The car ride there is a little fuzzy. All I can remember was sitting in the passenger seat of homie's car, singing really loudly and really badly to Girls by the Beastie Boys.  This is one of our favorite songs. We change the words up a bit, but that's personal information. ;)

Before we get to the restaurant, homie tells me she wants to make a quick stop. I was happy to go along. We ended up at the hugest Targets I had ever seen. It seriously was the size of two Super Walmarts.  The craziest thing about this target, it was a drive through. You could stay in your car and cruise down each aisle. There were so many people in their cars, happily driving and reaching out of their window to grab what they needed.  

Homie said she only had to go down the beauty section. But while we were there, could I suggest some eye makeup? ha ha. If you know me, you would know why that is funny.  She got her shampoo and I grabbed some different eyeshadow shades that would accentuate her eye color. I also grabbed a brush for her, no point in buying the colors if you don't have a brush to apply it dude. That is what I told her when she tried to fight me on the brush.  

Back on the road, homie starting asking me questions about the baby growing in my belly.  We compared notes on morning sickness, and cravings and lack of sleep. I am the girl who loves to sleep on her belly, so not being able to for the past few months was killing me, but it was worth it.  I couldn't remember being happier in my entire life.  Homie asked if I had changed my mind about finding out the sex. I told her no. I wanted to be surprised. This was a gift, I didn't want to cheat. I explained it was like trying to sneak a peek at a Christmas gift, just wasn't right. I wanted to wait and see what I had been blessed with. She just smiled at me. 

Now we are in the restaurant.  Bcoc, homie, wetta and I. Walking through the place to our table, I had a few strangers stop me and tell me how wonderful it was that I was pregnant. All I could do was smile and thank them. As I waddled to my seat, I took another look around the restaurant and every single person I had ever known was in that place.  Family, friends, acquaintances and even people I really didn't care for all that much.  

I was shocked! 

Thrilled! 

Confused!  

I look over to my girls, who all screamed SURPRISE! Behind them curtains opened and there was the biggest pile of presents I had ever seen in my life. Big presents, little presents--all wrapped in pink and blue and purple and yellow colors.  

I started to cry, of course, and suddenly everyone was coming towards me. I could fell the love the in the room. For a few moments it was as if someone had pressed fast forward. It was like every person had come to me to congratulated me, rub my belly or tell me how I deserved this blessing; all happened in a matter of seconds. Oh, and they kinda sounded like chipmunks.  Once in a while, when I scanned the room---time would slow down too. I had never in my life seen so many smiles. For some reason I knew I didn't have a boyfriend or husband, and it didn't matter. These people were here to support me, I was doing really going to do this--after all this time.  Suddenly I heard my Pop ask everyone to quiet down. When all eyes were on him, this is what he said.

"Mona, I am very proud of you. You are a strong woman and a hard working woman. I am always going to worry about you, but I also know you can take care of yourself. This baby is lucky to have you as a mother."

There are no words I can use to explain the joy I felt. 

After opening all the presents, which seemed like an eternity, I got this overwhelming sensation to use the restroom.  I stood up, doing the pee pee dance and felt something really odd.  I looked down and there was liquid all over the floor.  I locked eyes with my homie. 

"I think my water just broke."

Her eyes bulged out of her head like in the cartoons and started to yell at everyone to get the fuck out of the way.  We must have taken a bus to the hospital, because my mom, my COT, my sisters, my pop, my brothers all kept popping up right next to my head telling me to breathe deeply. By the time we got to the hospital, I wanted to slap every single one of them. Love was no longer in the air. :)

I am being rushed into the hospital in a wheelchair with my sister in front of the pack screaming, "Out of the way you dumpster pigs! My sister is having a baby!" 

My other sister yelling at her, "Shut up! Oh my gosh, I am embarrassed for you." 

My mom is crying, "My baby is having a baby, thank you Lord!"  

I am being wheeled into a room, I glance back and see my Pop. He smiled and gave me a nod. 

In the room, laying on the bed now, hooked up to crazy machines, I can really feel the pain now. 

My brother comes in and tells me it's going to be all OK, and hands me a balloon. I look at him, tilt my head to the side and said, "What's with the balloon dude?" He said, "Hello, focal point". This, in the midst of all the madness going on around me, made me laugh so hard it brought tears to my eyes.  

Then the doctor came in. He asked me if I was ready. 

I told him, "I've been ready all my life".

I woke up with my hand on my stomach and a smile on my face.  I am really happy the dream ended there.  I had an amazing support system, and everyone who mattered was there.  Not everyone spoke, but all their faces kept popping up throughout my dream.  

For the ladies who have children, go and hug them right now.  Tell them how much they matter and how much you love them. Even if they roll their eyes at you.  Being able to bore your own children really is a gift, appreciate that shit. I can understand how it can be tough at times, I have heard many stories.  Your kids are going to challenge you, fight you, think they hate you and lie to you. They will also hug you, thank you, help you and love you.  Be thankful for it all.