I want to make something clear---these are actual events that have happened in my life. Altered to keep those close to me safe, and no one needs to know every single detail. This is also not meant for anyone to feel sorry for me. Shit happens. That's a fact. It is also a fact that some people get shit on more then others. I am learning I happen to be one of these people. I say that because I use to think I had to have been doing something bad/wrong for these misfortune events to be happening to me. Maybe I wasn't studying hard enough, nice enough to other kids at school, didn't show enough love to my loved ones. But the truth is, I just get shit on a lot. That's cool man. I am in constant learning mode and have amazing and supportive people in my circle of trust.
I am no stranger to hard work. I thrive when given multiple tasks with a deadline. I love that shit. So, when I was working 2 jobs, 6-7 days a week, it wasn't difficult. It never felt like something I HAD to do and groaned about all the time. It had to be done, so you get up every morning and do it.
When I first moved to where I live now it was very difficult. I had never felt so out of place. The people were just different from me. Most of the people are beautifully superficial. Where I am from, you're not superficial---you brag about what a bargain you got. There was money, but not everyone talked about it like most do here. Money doesn't make you the person you are---it can hinder it. So, me working as much as I was, wasn't about the money---it was about survival.
I didn't have a lot of bills, just a few huge ones. Asking for money is something I have never felt comfortable doing. There are very few people in the world that I would ask to borrow money from, I literally mean 2. So what does a single girl do? She gets her ass to work to make ends meet.
I had become very comfortable with my work. Everyday the same thing, which was fine with me, until the day I met Barbara. I needed help at my full time job and she was the answer. Smart, funny, motherly and all around one of the most kick ass ladies I had ever met. She worked in our field many and her input was always taken seriously and never questioned. Until the day she asked me why I was working there. Stunned by that question I asked her what she meant by that. Here is how that conversation went...more or less:
B: "I don't mean to sound assaulting. But, do you realize how good you are at your job?"
Me: "Well, first of all, thank you. I have learned a lot here and feel the need to work hard to show that appreciation."
B: "That's all good and fine, but you know you can do so much more...."
Me: "What do you mean?"
B: "I have been doing this a very long time, and in my whole career never came across someone like you. You are respectfully kind when you are giving directions. You can hold a lot of information and break it down quickly in your mind, and you are amazingly accurate and a speed demon when typing away on that computer. It is impressive."
Me: SPEECHLESS.
B: "Listen, I don't mean to over step my boundaries here, but I know the people we work for don't appreciate you as much as you should be. I don't want you to end up like me. Stuck in this kind of environment because of my age, and regretting not reaching out for more...allowing my fears to stop me. Don't allow your fears stop you from becoming who you want to be, don't settle--You deserve more then that."
It may seem like a minor insignificant conversation to you, but to me, it changed my whole world. I never had anyone make me think of my abilities in that way. To do more? To change jobs? As truthful as the unappreciated statement was, do you change jobs solely for that reason? Well boys and girls, that is exactly what I did.
I thought about it for a few weeks and talked to my Pop about it. Slept on it, prayed about it and a few days letter, gave my letter of resignation. Huge leap on my part, but my faith was on the same page---so it felt right.
I knew people I could trust in one of those huge and very political corporations. I reached out. I was told they were happy I finally had come around and would be excited to take me on as an employee.
I
was
so
happy.
The Friday before I was to start my job and my last day at my old, I got a phone call from this person. Things had changed in the last month and they had no job for me to come to. Confused by this, I of course asked what they meant. Again, was told a lot changes were happening in this department and they had nothing for me. Hanging up the phone my emotions took over.
I
cried
for
probably
a
week.
Lucky for me, I still had my second job and they were happy to take me on as a full time employee, but only for a month. So, I had a talk with myself and said it's time to work it. Kick ass on this job, work as many hours as you can and hustle for the next job. You got this. You can do this. And of course my circle of trust were there cheering me on.
Exactly a month later, the big company sought me out and offered me a job. It was temporary, but it was a contract for 9 months of guaranteed employment. I jumped in.
This new job came with new work too. What I mean, is that I was doing something completely different then what I was doing for the past 9 years. It was good though, I caught on quickly and really liked who I worked with.
I
felt
blessed.
About 5 months into the job, my boss tells me there was a permanent position opening up and she wanted me to apply for it. She couldn't say I would get it, but I had a really great shot. I thought this is exactly what I have been working so hard for! My prayers had been answered! Thank you!
Next plan was to make them love me. I made sure I was early to work, left late, helped everyone and anyone I could. Made sure you were laughing when I was around, always taking that extra step to try and prove to them how badly I wanted this job. 'Cause this job, I wanted more then anything. It wasn't just the start of an incredible opportunity, it was the beginning of my career.
A couple of weeks later, I was offered the position. Happy doesn't come close to how I felt. I was on top of the fucking world! All kinds of things running through my mind that day....hard work does pay off!
I couldn't keep a smile off my face for days.
Then shit came and hit me so hard in my face,
I
swear
I
can
still
taste
it.
The Friday before I was to start my new job, HR wanted to have a meeting with me. I didn't think nothing of it. I thought it was the normal paperwork kind of stuff.
Here is how that conversation went:
HR: "Well, I am here to, unfortunately, bring you some bad news."
ME: "What do you mean?"
HR: "It seems while doing your background check, we found that you do not have a High School Diploma..."
ME: "Um, that's impossible. I know I didn't graduate with my class, but I went back to school and got it through independent studies."
HR: "We called and checked that. It seems you are about 7 credits short of your diploma."
ME: "WHAT?! I am sorry, but is there anyway you can be mistaken? May I take a moment to call them?"
HR: "Of course, I will wait right here."
I went outside to make this call, because if HR lady was right, I was going to fucking blow up. HR was right. The teacher I had told me at the very last test I took, that I had passed and completed all credits. I had my diploma. She would send me something in the mail and congratulated me. When I think about it, I know I received something in the mail from her---however, I have moved about 5 times since it happened and could not find that damn letter. The school told me that teacher no longer worked there and by their records, I was 7 credit short. Here is what went down back in the meeting with HR lady...
ME: "Wow, I don't even know what to say, I am speechless right now."
HR: "I am sorry to give you this news...but there is more. Since you marked on your application that you had a Diploma/GED, it is our decision that the information you gave was false. Therefore, we are re-tracking your offer and effective immediately terminating your temp contract. I am so sorry."
ME: Looking at this lady like she just told me babies are made from rainbows and unicorns. I was a little more then confused. "Wait, are you telling me that you are letting me go over this?"
HR: "Yes."
ME: "Wait, I don't understand why do you have to terminate my temp contract. I didn't apply for it, you guys asked me to come here. And furthermore, why wouldn't the temp agency tell you this? Do they not do education backgrounds?"
HR: "No. They take care of the criminal and drug tests. Listen, it is apparent that this is a huge misunderstanding. People talk about you, you know. Your boss speaks so highly of you, and everyone talks about what a great worker you are and I am just so sorry. I am going to need your badge."
ME: "So you are telling me I have no job?" Then thought to myself, and you are going to sit there and try to butter my burnt muffin? Really lady?
HR: "Yes. I am so sorry. Get this education all taken care of and re-apply in 6 months. We will find you something here."
I couldn't help it--the YES to me not having a job made tears stream down my face. I couldn't believe this was happening. I had worked so fucking hard for so fucking long and lady here is telling that since I checked that I had a diploma, because I really thought I did, they had no choice but to let me go? Really? REALLY?!
When I finally looked up,
HR
lady
was
crying
too.
I didn't get angry at that, like I thought I would have. I felt nothing. I vaguely remember handing her my badge and her telling me that she wasn't going to walk me out. To go ahead and just grab my purse and she or my boss would personally deliver my things or mail them if I was more comfortable with that. She would give me about 5 minutes and be waiting for me outside. I grabbed all my things, I wasn't going to allow them to mail me anything, and walked out. No goodbyes, no more tears, just zombie like numbness.
Things that happened after that, I cannot tell you. But I can tell you it didn't break me like the first time. I was actually very pro-active; with the help of my COT (circle of trust), I got a lot done that day I left. So here I am, starting at zero once again. I am not going to say that leaving my old job was a bad idea, or that not having a job right now doesnt suck like a whore's mouth on a Saturday night; I am telling you that I believe this means something better is waiting for me out there. Things happen for a reason, and I am holding on to my faith this time. Time to hustle again and get to where I need to be. Shit happens. That's a fact. It's up to you to decide if you want to smell like shit for the rest of your life, or clean yourself off and keep moving. I choose to keep moving....without the shit smell of course.
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